I met a man once.
More details? Sure, I can do that.
I met a man once in Nantucket.
That's still not enough? Okay, then.
I met a man once in Nantucket. His name was Phil.
What do mean my story has no flair? It isn't supposed to. Really, you think it might help. If you say so.
I once met a man in Nantucket
who threw a shoe and said, "Duck it!"
Great, now my beautiful, terse story is stupid and ridiculous. I want a refund. Give me my soul back now, Satan!
Whoa, I shouldn't have drank all that vodka! Or smoked all that weed. Or did all that LSD. Or sniffed all that glue. Really, I should quit doing all of that, but life as the Grim Reaper is stressful. I mean, sometimes I have to kill people! Did you know that? And even worse, sometimes they get away from me! That's the worst part of the job, right there, because then I get a hundred spankings from Beelzebub.
Anyway, whose next to die..? Ah, Brandon Sutton, huh? I know him. He's a real jackass, that one. I'll enjoy this.
I am sure you are wondering how I am still alive, right? Well, it turns out, I was still dreaming before! Or is this a dream? Am I still just barely conscious, and hanging onto life while my mind wanders into a dreamworld of my own creation because I don't want to accept that I'm being killed by a raging dog this very moment? Well, while I'm here...I might as well have fun. Let's see, I always wanted to fly!
WEEEEEEEE! Uh oh! BOOM!
Well, that settles it, I'm not dreaming. Can someone take me to the hospital now, please?
I had a really weird dream last night. I was a writer who was going to college, and was having a really nice time during the summer. I'd joined this website called drablr.com, where I could post drabbles I wrote, and with a maddening zeal I wrote quite a few very quickly. Some of them I wrote were about dreams, some love, and some death. Then, in late July, I was in the middle of writing a drabble when a rabid dog jumps through my bedroom window and tears me to pieces. Weird dream righ...huh, what's that? Oh no! AHHHHHHH!
Wasps and spiders.
Wasps and spiders.
They are everywhere.
They are everywhere!
I can't find the door. Oh god, I can't find the door!
They are coming closer to me. I can't get away! What am I going to do?
I don't know what to do. Oh my god, the wasps and spiders are getting closer! They are hovering just around my head, trapping me in place. My eyes are twitching in anxiety.
I can't move anymore from fear. I can't find the damn door! Wait...
Oh no, oh god no!
What is that on my face? What is it?!
"That's funny, I thought I'd killed you," I said.
"You fool! That's just what I wanted you to think. And while you were busy killing yourself, I was secretly conjuring a plot to kill myself. Mwahaha!" I said.
"Hey, I'm still here too!" I said.
"Shut up! I'm not talking to you anymore." I said.
"But you've always enjoyed talking to yourself! Why stop now?" I said.
"It's because of him. He said I never provide very good conversation," I said.
"I know, but my plot will end it all!" I said.
So I killed myself, multiple myselves in fact.
HA! He has fallen for my trap!
Now I finally get to taste the
sweet vengeance, and
end this suffering!
I just need to decide what to
do with him to enact the
most psychological damage.
I could act like I'm letting him go
and chase him down.
AH! I have been trapped!
Now that psycho is going to
act out his wickedness.
He'll torture me!
I have to figure out how I'm
going to escape. I need to
do it as quickly as possible.
I know! I use this gun I'm hiding
to kill him when he isn't looking.
The river Rawly runs right 'round the ridge, and always adds aqua to the adjunct adventurers.
One such man ran through the wooded plains to find some water to wash his wobbly web of a body. Truly, two truths tried to triumph: man needs water or he'll die, and man can die.
However, one such man ran through the grassy jungles jumping at the chance to dance the dance of death with his lance in hand and in a trance. Unfortunately, until tomorrow the first man was without even one weapon with which to wave, and the tranced man won.
Birds circle overhead. A corpse lies at my feet. I don't know how it got there. I don't know how I got there. Everything around me seems to be swirling in on itself. I hear a howl in the near woods. Is it wolves? The world exerts a pressure on my whole body; yet, as I stand there, my head feels light. I throw up on the ground from anxiety. I hear the howls again. I turn from the woods to run, and hear something running behind me. I scream for help as the corpse grabs my neck from behind.
"Huh, what was that?" I said.
"I don't know, what do you think it is?" I said.
"It's me, and I'm coming to kill you!" I said.
"Not if I kill you first you damn rat bastard!" I said.
"Not so fast, you scandalous knaves. No one is killing anyone around here. Not on my watch," I said
"What's wrong with him?" I said.
"I don't know. This is your dream." I said.
"But it's yours, too!" I said.
"That's it! I can't take this anymore!" I said.
And then I started killing myself left and right, over and over.
I wake up, talking about this great dream I had where I was a hero and saved the damsel from disaster.
Then, I wake up and start talking about how I was just dreaming about this very conversation.
Again, I wake up, but this time my room is turned to a bar, and I order some water since I don't want to drink right then.
For a fourth time, I wake up, again in my room, but it is filled with clowns holding razor blades.
The next time, I wake up on a plane with Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page.
The girl of my dreams (literally) is standing in front of me, with an eager look on her face. She kisses me, I feel sensation running all over my body, and I am the happiest I have ever been. Nonetheless, I start to feel a little strange. I feel sick in my stomach, and I don't know why. However, I realize this is probably because I'm so excited. Then, the pain spreads and I know something is wrong, but not before I collapse dead on the floor. I was so horny I didn't realize my insides were being sucked out.
In 1375 B.C., I was swimming in the Nile River looking for my cat that had gotten scared and dived in. Unfortunately, the zombie of disgraced pharaoh Akhenaton was able to escape without my presence nearby to stop him. Worshiping the sun, itself, as the god Aton, the zombie was able to reek havoc on the village, until I finally found my cat. I jumped at the pharaoh, landing a roundhouse kick to his chest, and used magic to send him to a distant time. He landed in the 1980's where he became an extra in the "Thriller" music video.
I had been captured by Joan of Arc for conspiring with the British to hide a great religious artifact. In the dream, I was chained up and being beaten so I will give up the location of the Holy Grail, which King Arthur discovered years before. Joan wanted it so that its great power could be used to bring french fries back in time, which would make all the British fat and incapable of fighting. I finally gave up the location, but didn't tell them Gawain had moved it through the cosmos to be guarded by Jedi Knight, Luke Skywalker.