"Time and Time Again" drabbles by Neville Hunt

Warmer

Time and Time Again #26

”And here I am again large as life, so to speak!” Aidan seemed somehow to think that that would be enough of an explanation to explain his continued existence. I waited, and waited for him to continue. Nothing. Then he broke the silence. ”Your turn now mate. It’s question time; ask away!... but do try not to get too pissed off with my answers... it’s complicated!”

“Where are you now?”

”Trapped!”

“Trapped where?”

”Dunno!”

“Are you locked in somewhere?”

”Yep!”

“By whom?”

“Dunno!”

“Someone who’s quite happy for you to have your mobile phone.”

”Now you’re getting much warmer, Sherlock!”

Zip!

Time and Time Again #25

At this point I realised I was being my own worst enemy. If I even half-believed this might be Aidan, alive and well, then I should zip my mouth and let him have his say before making any judgements on it.

“Sorry mate, I interrupted you!”

”No worries; you always were a tosser! Anyway... and now I have to ask for a suspension of belief... I was helped out after you had all left the funeral parlour by someone who shall remain nameless... my guardian angel you might even say.”

I struggled here not to say anything... but... ziiiiip!

Interruptitis

Time and Time Again #24

"Okay, okay, okay! Hold on Don. I know this all seems ludicrous, fantastical, impossible, unbelievable..."

"And how many more absurdables before you actually start telling me something! Get to the point, or I'm off!"

"Right, right! The person you saw in the casket and said goodbye to..."

"Wasn't you eh?" I interrupted, assuming he was about to spout yet more bullshit in order to prevaricate.

"No, no, no... it WAS me!.. all tidied up ready for despatch."

"And when we left you just jumped out of the coffin and scuttled off" I was so riled I couldn't stop myself interrupting.

Blanks

Time and Time Again #23

By now I was getting pissed off. On the one hand it was great to hear my best mate's voice again and experience his characteristic devil-may-care, anything for a laugh persona once more, but on the other, if he did need my help, then he was going about obtaining it in a very strange way. I had to bring him up short! I cut to the chase.

"Listen Aidan, if it is Aidan I'm talking to, if you want my help you'd better start filling in the incomprehensible blanks pretty damn fast! Or I'm hanging up right now!"

Jeanie

Time and Time Again #22

“And what IS your life worth, Aidan?”

”Not a lot without a bit of help from you! I’m trapped”

“Trapped where? Where exactly are you right now?”

”Buggered if I know!”

“I must say, Aidan, you’re sounding pretty relaxed about your apparent predicament! Much like the genie in the bottle!”

”Who told you about Jeanie, Don?”

“And now you’re pissing about as usual! Ha bloody ha!” This was definitely the Aidan I knew.... not just the sound of his voice, but the breezy way he spoke and the larking about... just like the old days. He wasn’t really in trouble...

Nobody?

Time and Time Again #21

“Nobody? But Jenny and I both saw you in the casket, laid out and lifeless. And you sure weren’t a waxwork! How do you, how can you explain that?”

”Someone helped me out, that’s how I explain it... having revived me first. You’d be surprised what stuff is around to fake death and breathe it back!”

I was completely taken aback. This sounded like either science fiction or the murky medium of espionage or some devious alchemy. But I continued... I’d started so I had to finish.

“Who was that ‘someone’?”

“Can’t say, mate. More than my life’s worth!”

Nobody

Time and Time Again #20

”Mmmmmm!... “ He was thinking about it... buying time... but then he continued, ”Well, this is all unrehearsed, so I guess I must be alive... or living as you put it!”

“Well that was like pulling teeth! Hardly a yes or no answer! I could hear you wanted to hedge your bets!”

” Next question!”

“Does Jenny know you’re alive? Yes or no!”

”No.”

“Aha! Now we’re getting somewhere. So how come you’re not dead?”

”Now that’s an odd question. The only answer is that I didn’t die! That’s how come!”

“So who was in your coffin?”

”Nobody I guess!”

Straight answers

Time and Time Again #19

“Bloody right it’s complicated!” I said, “so let’s have some straight answers please, mate. I’ll ask and you answer! Right?”

”OK, OK... but I will need a favour though...”

“Ask me about the favour when you’ve answered all my questions, please. And simple, straight answers too please, I don’t want you giving me a load of bullshit answers that are cryptic or mysterious, or both!”

”I’ll do my best!”

“I’m not convinced your best is always good enough, mate!”

”Huh! Just get on with it, please.”

“First question. Are you alive or dead?”

”Officially... or unofficially?”

“Flesh and blood... living!”

Complicated

Time and Time Again #18

"Probably a good call as I imagine that by now it's pretty smelly!" came Aidan's familiar voice keeping the crude banter going. Typically it would have kept going until one of us, usually me, ran out of crudisms to add. But I still needed some answers.

"I think I need to ask you a few questions, mate, if your comment about meeting up is serious... and even if it isn't! I bumped into Jenny in the street the other day and she didn't mention anything about you being alive. Does she not know?"

"Well no, actually. Let's say it's complicated..."

Welcome

Time and Time Again #17

Five, six, seven rings... eight, nine... I expected the voicemail greeting, but it wasn’t the usual cheery young woman’s voice welcoming me...

”Welcome to shitcreek voicemail.. and what the hell have you done with my paddle?”

‘Welcome to shitcreek!’ had been a standard greeting between me and Aidan. It started banter about paddles, brown fishes, clothes pegs on noses and general lavatorial humour. I couldn’t imagine anyone else, particularly rather prissy Jenny, being in on the joke. Despite all sense and logic, I was now convinced that Aidan was on the end of the line.

“I dumped it!” I answered.

Choice

Time and Time Again #16

“OK, OK... I know I’m being a complete idiot... but I will ring off and call you straight back. Stay there!”

I quickly ended the call to this Aidan soundalike. I felt very strange and confused. [I had no idea that if I’d waited a second or two before cutting him off, I might have heard the voice on the other end adding...]

”Stay here?... Stay here?.... as if I had a choice in the matter!”

I called ‘Aidan’s’ number again. If he was real and still there, surely he would answer straight away. It rang and rang and rang...

Favour

Time and Time Again #15

”Blimey Don, you are in a right state, aren’t you! Calm down, calm down! If you think it’s a nightmare, then pinch yourself to check. But think about how I might feel about being rejected, twice it seems. Have you even stopped to think, let alone ask, why meeting up might be difficult? Why you hardly let me speak before you threw a wobbler! The best way check is to call off, and then call back to see if I‘m still here. But please do call back, because now you’ve made contact, I need to ask you for a favour...”

Mare of the Night

Time and Time Again #14

“Well Aidan, I must say you’ve passed the test with an A Star! You are Aidan and whilst I still can’t get my head around how you can be alive when to my certain knowledge we buried you, so to speak, three plus years ago. It’s great to know you’re still around .. and sounding fit and well... and after a shaky start we can catch up again and start afresh. When and where can we meet?”

”Aaah! Now that could be a little tricky, mate!”

“I KNEW it! You don’t exist. You’re dead. This is just a bloody nightmare!”

Crazy thought

Time and Time Again #13

“OK mister, do I have any distinguishing features?”

”Not really, Don...”

“Aha! Gotcha!”

”...unless you had your shirt off and we could see the deep scar on your right shoulder blade!”

Dammit! This seemed to be getting me nowhere. The hoaxer had all the answers, all the right answers. So much so that, combined with him sounding exactly like the Aidan I’d known, I even allowed myself the crazy thought that maybe it was Aidan, for real! But that was absurd... I knew he couldn’t have been alive.

There was one way though that I could find out for certain.

A testing time

Time and Time Again #12

This was getting weird. How could this person know how we’d got top grades in almost everything, having struggled in our mock exams? I needed to test him further, because this whole episode was giving me the creeps. I must catch this hoaxer out before he freaked me out!

“OK then, what was our school’s anthem called?”

”Quam bonum est, if I remember correctly”

[Correct! Damn him!]

“And by how many runs did we beat Stamford in the Headmaster’s Conference Schools Millennium Cup in 2000?”

”Tricksy!... it was a draw! You’ll need to try much harder than that, Donny boy!”

Questions

Time and Time Again #11

“Look here Mr Hoaxer, whoever you are, why are you doing this? It’s about the worst thing you could do. It’s incredibly bad taste, and so insensitive and hurtful to Penny and the kids, and me too, probably the best friend Aidan ever had. Time to stop this, right now!”

”In your eulogy Don, did you mention the time we sneaked into the headmaster’s office and found our forthcoming GCSE exam papers. A* passes for us!”

“Of course I didn’t! How do you know about that?”

”Duh! I was there remember! As sure as I’m here today!”

“But you’re not!”

Fond memory

Time and Time Again #10

“Well let’s see... I guess the main reason is that I went to your funeral, and on to the crematorium with Jenny and kids to say goodbye to you. Watched your coffin slip through the curtains into the life hereafter. Everyone said you would have loved the eulogy I wrote and read out for you.” I paused, “Is that enough?”

”Hey, that’s really sweet! Wish I could have been there to hear it!”

“Oh, but you were! I‘d already said my private goodbyes to you as you laid, peacefully, soon to be a fond memory.”

”Got that wrong, didn’t you!”

Never Complain; Never Explain

Time and Time Again #9

“Alright then, me old mate, me old mucker...” I was recovering from the shock of this voice from the grave. I would try sarcasm. And putting on my very best version of Basil Fawlty, I continued. “You asked me who I was, well I’m the Queen of Sheba, hereafter known as Queenie Lollobrigida. I passed quite recently your way!”

”What kind of crap are you talking, Don? You’ve got some explaining to do my old friend! Have you been at the wacky baccy by any chance?”

“WHAT!... ME explain?” I protested.

“OK then... so what makes you think I’m dead?”

Over the Lime

Time and Time Again #8

Harry Lime... the infamous Harry Lime... and wasn't he supposed to be dead too? But he was a criminal. A racketeer taking advantage of poor people who had already lost almost everything. Peddling dodgy drugs. Killing children. On the run... but conveniently dead...ish!

That was hardly Aidan, a thoroughly decent, honest, upright guy... and I was hardly Holly Martins, his supposed best, if a little naïve, friend!

The movie recollection over in a flash, I returned to the person talking to me, the person seeming to claim that he was very much alive, the person claiming that he was Aidan.

A dash of Lime

Time and Time Again #7

"Dead? Dead? Really? I'm dead?... Well that's a little inconvenient I guess!"

"Inconvenient? Inconvenient? Inconcredible more like! Look, who is this, and what kind of a sick joke do you think you're playing? It's not funny; it's not funny at all!" My reply indicated that I realised that this was a hoax.

"Well being told I'm dead isn't exactly a barrel of laughs either old man!"

For some reason, the 'old man' ending his comment reminded me instantly of Orson Welles playing Harry Lime in 'The Third Man', Well it was my favourite film. I could hear Welles saying it....