"Truthfully False" drabbles by Christopher

Truthfully False (Part Four)

Truthfully False

If you can pull off the stunts in the car commercial that they tell you not to attempt, they're legally bound to give you the car for free.

Donkey Kong is a true story, but the government suppressed it, not wanting the public to panic over giant apes abducting young girls.

ABBA was really from Poughkeepsie, New York. They just claimed to be from Sweden because they thought it made them sound cooler.

If you put Preparation H on a prune it'll turn it back into a plum.

If you catch a rat in a mousetrap it voids the warranty.

Truthfully False (Part Three)

Truthfully False

Jacques Cousteau once banged a waitress in the bathroom at Red Lobster and got free crabs.

What do you call a flea market for midgets? A little bazaar.

Charles Dickens' classic A Tale Of Two Cities was originally conceived as an erotic novel entitled A Sale Of Two Titties.

Pet Rocks, discarded since the late 70's, have quietly been plotting the downfall of humans and the conquest of Earth.

The Great Wall was originally built to keep neighboring Mongolia's dog from crapping on China's lawn.

If you sing "Mack The Knife" while surfing, all the sharks will leave you alone.

Truthfully False (Part Two)

Truthfully False

DEFINITIONS
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Death Blow: Oral sex from the Grim Reaper.

Cockfighting: Foreplay with Elton John.

Parallelogram: A telegram you send to a parallel universe.

Twerk: The offspring of a twit and a jerk.

Oxymoron: Someone who flunked out of
Oxford University.

Bae: A nonsensical word originally coined by the CIA as a secret Eugenics plot to weed out stupid people.

Menopause: When a group of males all cease activity simultaneously.

Innuendo: Location where an Italian doctor directs you to insert a suppository.

Algebra: Bacteria that forms on the inner and outer parts of a brassiere.

Lament: a French breath-freshening gum.

Truthfully False (Part One)

Truthfully False

If you play "Disco Inferno" simultaneously on every floor of a high-rise building, it will literally "burn the mother down."

If you piss on an electric fence it turns you into a superhero that no one wants to be rescued by.

If you drop some red dye into an aquarium you can make a goldfish think he's bleeding to death.

Doctors write perfectly legibly. They just scribble prescriptions badly to screw with pharmacists, whom they consider to be "posers".

Zebras are really unicorns that sawed off their horn, painted themselves with stripes, and went into the Witness Protection Program.