"Autocorrect Nightmares" drabbles by Christopher

Fired Up

Autocorrect Nightmares #6

A text conversation between an employee and his boss...

Employee: Sorry, boss. I'll be a bit late. There was an accident on the freeway and traffic is at a standstill.

Boss: You're fired.

Employee: WHAT?!! I know I'm late quite frequently but this isn't my fault! You know what? You can take that lousy job, roll it up real tight, and shove it up your fat ass, you balding sack of shit!

Boss: That was supposed to be "You're fine," but you know what? Let's leave it as it stands.

Employee: Hey, I was only kidding.

Employee: Boss?

Employee: Boss?

State Of Confusion

Autocorrect Nightmares #5

A text conversation between Troy and his husband Tab...

Troy: Hello, darling. Still on the road.

Tab: Everything going okay?

Troy: Yeah. Should be back home tomorrow. Been passing through where I used to live and saw some old friends. I tell you, I've really missed Vagina.

Tab: You what? Who are these "old friends" huh?

Troy: OMG! I meant Virginia, darling. I used to live in Vagina.

Tab: ?????

Troy: It did it again! Why does it keep saying Vagina?

Tab: Why indeed.

Troy: Okay, just drove out of Vagina.

Tab: You may as well drive back in, cowboy!

Otto Correct

Autocorrect Nightmares #4

A text conversation between Otto and his girlfriend Sadie.

Sadie: Don't forget, we're all meeting at the ski resort this weekend for your birthday bash.

Otto: I know. Can't wait!

Sadie: I have a surprise for you too.

Otto: What???!!!

Sadie: I can't tell you. It's a surprise.

Otto: Oh, come on!

Sadie: Okay. I'm banging your best friend from high school.

Otto: WTF??!! Yeah, well I've been nailing your sister for years. So there!

Sadie: Autocorrect changed that. It was supposed to be "I'm BRINGING your best friend from high school."

Otto: Uh.... Cool!

Sadie: Nailing my sister, huh?

Autocorrect Nightmares (Christmas Edition)

Autocorrect Nightmares #3

A text conversation on Dec. 24th between a father and son:

Dad: Hey, son. Tell your mom I'm on the way home. I hope you've been a good boy. Don't forget, Satan is coming to visit you tonight while you're alseep.

Son: what? satans comin to get me?

Dad: No, son! That was autocorrect! I meant Santa is coming to visit you! Santa Claus!

Son: im scared daddy what did I do wrong?

Dad: Nothing, son, nothing! I meant Santa!

Son: ive been good i really have

Dad: Where is your mother? Let me talk to her, son.

Son: …..............

More Autocorrect Nightmares

Autocorrect Nightmares #2

A text conversation between husband and wife Victor and Sheila:

Victor: I'm about to leave work

Sheila: Okay. Drive safely.

Victor: See you soon, Abby.

Sheila: Abby? Just who in the hell is Abby?

Victor: That was supposed to be baby! Autocorrect must've changed it. Really, Sheila. I swear.

Sheila: Mmhmm....

Victor: Seriously, baby. I don't even know an Abby. Even if I did I wouldn't be texting her.

Sheila: I think I'm going to the movies with my friends tonight. I won't be home until very late.

Victor: What about my dinner?

Sheila: Get Abby to fix it, asshole!

Autocorrect (Or is it Auto-incorrect?)

Autocorrect Nightmares #1

Autocorrecting on texting can be sometimes amusing and sometimes infuriating. Here's a conversation between a married couple...

Husband: Leaving work, babe.

Wife: Okay, honey. Drive carefully.

Husband: I will. Hey, bringing a hooker home tonight. It's about time the old bag learned how to suck from a master. It's long overdue, I think.

Wife: WTF?!!! You're bringing home a WHAT?

Husband: OMG! A Hoover! Stopping off to pick up a new vacuum cleaner!

Wife: Teach the old bag how to suck, huh?

Husband: Baby, I meant the vacuum! The Hoover vacuum!

(10 minutes later...)

Husband: Baby? Are you still there?....