"Tiki Moon" drabbles by Christopher

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 131

Tiki Moon #131

The next stop was to go to Tuxedo Junction to get fitted with a tux and tails, like the kind Groucho sometimes wore. They told me to come back later that afternoon and they'd have it ready for me.

I exited the tux shop and walked down the Strip. At least I wasn't dodging bullets on this particular outing.

I went into Stan's Stogie Shop and bought several cigars so I would further look the part of Groucho. And by then I was at my office so I went in to water the dead plants and put my feet up...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 130

Tiki Moon #130

I went to a costume shop called Novelties Unlimited. That was a bit of a misnomer, as they were quite limited in stock. Maybe a lot of the people going to the Tiki Moon on Monday night had already been here.

I settled for some Groucho Marx glasses that had a huge fake nose, big bushy eyebrows glued to the top, and a moustache under the nose that looked like a piece of black electrical tape.

But when I put them on and looked in the mirror I was pleased with the result.

And the girl behind the counter laughed...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 129

Tiki Moon #129

After my heart started beating again I thanked Pam and hung up. Well, at least Deborah was safely out of the way. Now I had to figure out what I was going to wear to the costume party at the Tiki Moon to collect my money from Morty for not killing his wife. It was going to be quite a surprise when ole' Morty found out the little woman was still breathing.

I showered, ate and then went down to the Sunset Strip to try and locate something to wear to the glorified trick-or-treat bash on Halloween night...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 128

Tiki Moon #128

I had to check with my answering service. I had given Deborah the number and told her when she got up to Mount Shasta to call and leave a message with the service that said simply, "Arrived safely. Awaiting your call."

I called the service and asked Pam, the usual girl, if I had any messages.

"Yeah," she said, and went through a litany of messages, some clients, some bill collectors, but none were Deborah.

"What?" I asked incredulously. She should already be there.

"No, wait," she said, "one more. An anonymous call that said 'Arrived safely, awaiting your call.'"

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 127

Tiki Moon #127

I looked down at the stray cat and asked, "It wasn't you that shot at me, was it?"

The cat meowed. I didn't speak feline so I wasn't quite sure if that was a confirmation or a denial. I checked down the alley but found nothing, not even the spent shell casings. That implied someone that knew what they were doing, not some half-assed stick-up artist.

I went back to the street and looked cautiously up and down it but saw nothing. I hailed a passing cab and went back to my apartment, more than a little confused...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 126

Tiki Moon #126

I'm no stranger to shots being fired at me. My whole adult life has been a series of ducks and weaves to avoid bullets, in times of war and peace. But I'd only been back on American soil for a few hours after being away for weeks. I couldn't figure out why someone would be trying to aerate me. Sure, I have enemies; people I've put in jail or pissed off or both. You'd have to form an orderly queue to organize all the people that had a grudge against me.

But how many would actually try to kill me?

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 125

Tiki Moon #125

I rolled behind a parked car and reached for my gun, which I didn't have because I didn't take it with me on the cruise. I popped my head up quickly to look in the direction of the bullet and another shot cracked. I ducked back down behind the car as people on the street started screaming and running.

I waited until a couple of cars went by and used that as a diversion to sprint across the street. I went down an alley where I thought the shots came from, but there was nothing there but a stray cat...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 124

Tiki Moon #124

"Umm...was it....quick?" Morty asked with just a modicum of remorse in his voice.

"You really want me to answer that, Morty?" I asked.

"No...no...I...guess...not."

"You're a widower now, Morty. Enjoy it. I'll be at the Tiki Moon Halloween night. You better have my money."

"I will," I heard him say faintly as I hung the phone up. I exited the phone booth with the feeling I was being watched. The hair on the back of my neck was standing up.

I had an urge to duck, which I did just as a bullet shattered the glass in the phone booth...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 123

Tiki Moon #123

"Well," I said slowly, "because your wife disappeared off an ocean liner and the police would assume that you would want to know, Morty."

"Oh, of course, of course. No, they haven't. Do you think it will be soon?"

"It should be. They wanted to talk to me since I was the one who reported her missing, but I slipped off the ship before that could happen."

"That was smart," he said.

"If they ask if you've ever heard of a Jacob Randall you say you haven't. Clear?"

"Yes...yes...clear."

I had to make sure this dolt knew what to say...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 122

Tiki Moon #122

This guy was really flamboyant. We could meet in an alley and he could hand me a briefcase, but no. He wants to do it at a masquerade ball. But I figured it might be a good chance for me to see some of the people he mingled with. Deborah wanted me to find out if the vice president of her company had anything to do with her would-be assassination. Maybe he'd be there too.

"Have the police contacted you yet?" I asked.

He started stammering, "Why...why...why would the police contact me?"

Man, this guy was thicker than pigshit...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 121

Tiki Moon #121

After I left the precinct I went to a payphone and called Mort Alexander's house. After a few rings the receiver was picked up.

"Hello?" the disembodied voice said.

"Is this Mort?" I asked.

"Yeah," the voice said somewhat apprehensively.

"This is your sanctified employee. It's time to settle up payroll."

"Mr. Saint!" Morty said excitedly.

"When can you meet me?" I asked.

"There's a costume ball on Monday night at the Tiki Moon. A sort-of Halloween celebration for adults."

"How amusing," I said.

"They'll be a lot of people all wearing masks so we could do it there."

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 120

Tiki Moon #120

Sometimes I did tend to forget how well Harrigan knew me. He knew me better than anyone.

"I don't know anything yet. When I do I'll let you know," I said somewhat untruthfully.

"See that you do, Randolph. Because if you do know something and you don't tell us, then that's a crime in and of itself. It's called withholding evidence."

I was fully aware of what the crime was called. God knew I'd committed it enough times.

"Okay," I said, "But I trust you'll also let me know if anything develops."

I wasn't holding my breath on that one...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 119

Tiki Moon #119

"Maybe," I said. "So, have you turned up anything about your hit-and-run victim Phil Garfield?"

Harrigan looked up at me, "And why would that matter to you, Randolph?"

I put my palm flat against my chest, "Harrigan! A member of the community in which I was born and raised is plowed over in the streets and you have the unmitigated audacity to ask why it would matter to me?"

Harrigan said coolly, "Randolph, you seem to forget how well I know you. There's an angle to everything you do. And it usually involves a case you're working on."

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 118

Tiki Moon #118

Harrigan looked like a tea kettle boiling because he had steam coming out of his ears.

"You...you...," he kept stammering. I started laughing and so did Kip. Harrigan finally realized I was just winding him up and he broke down and started laughing.

"Okay, Randolph. You got me! Now, how was the Orient?" Harrigan asked.

"It's still there," I said. "Have you made any headway with the Mr. Saint case?"

Harrigan shook his head, "We set up a meeting with him based on the information you gave us but he never showed. Maybe he got wise that we were cops."

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 117

Tiki Moon #117

Harrigan slammed his fist down so hard on his desk I thought it would split in two. Kip laughed and asked, "Why do you guys do this? What's this antagonistic relationship you two have?"

I grinned, "Harrigan's just jealous because I was always having to save his ass during the war."

Harrigan's eyes widened, "You saved my ass? Unbelievable! Every time I turned around this schmuck was getting caught by the Gerry!"

I smiled at Kip, "Don't believe a word of that, Wilson. If I hadn't been around he would've spent the duration of the war in a P.O.W. camp!"

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 116

Tiki Moon #116

I was in luck, however, as Harrigan and his partner were sitting at their desks opposite each other. Kip was on the phone and Harrigan was doing paperwork. I walked up behind Harrigan and looked over his shoulder.

"You misspelled perpetrator," I said as I glanced down at his paper.

"No, I didn't....," he said and then realizing he had misspelled it. He turned and looked at me.

"I haven't done that the entire time you were gone. You come back and I start screwing up. What does that tell us, Randolph?"

I grinned, "It tells us you can't spell!"

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 115

Tiki Moon #115

I told the captain I would meet him on the docks so we could speak with the authorities, but I blended in with the crowd as they disembarked, slipping away unnoticed. I made it out front, hailed a cab and quickly got the hell out of there.

I gave the cab driver the address of Harrigan's precinct. I didn't expect him to be there, but I thought I would check before I went home and rested from the vacation I'd just had.

I wanted to relax a little before meeting with Morty and collecting the rest of my blood money...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 114

Tiki Moon #114

I enjoyed lounging around for the rest of the cruise home, although I had to keep up appearances and look forlorn. But I sat at the pool soaking up the sun, ate like a pig, and read a dimestore detective novel I'd picked up in the ship's bookstore. One day I hoped I'd be as cool as Derek Slade, Private Eye.

We made it back to L.A. on a cool evening in late October. The captain reminded me that the authorities would want to question me about Deborah, but I remembered.

I remembered I had to split before that happened...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 113

Tiki Moon #113

Deborah had told me that the vice president of the company, Nick Berman, had gotten real chummy with ole' Morty and that she thought he was the one who turned Morty onto Mr. Saint.

Mr. Saint. That was another obstacle with this case. Hopefully the info I gave Harrigan before I left the States was enough for them to get on his trail and nail him.

The other piece of the puzzle was latent roadkill Phil Garfield. I was going to have to ask Harrigan when I got back if they'd turned up anything else about the hit-and-run...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 112

Tiki Moon #112

"I understand," I said.

Yeah, I understand I'm using an alias and will have to lose myself in the crowd when we disembark at the Port of Los Angeles.

"Thank you, Captain. I appreciate you coming by."

The captain nodded. "If you need anything please let me know."

I nodded. He left and I flopped down on my bed and gathered my thoughts. This was only phase one. Phase two was telling Mort that he had become a widower and then trying to figure out if he was in cahoots with the second-in-command at the Commonwealth Construction Company...