"Tiki Moon" drabbles by Christopher

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 171

Tiki Moon #171

I could still hear talking and movement coming from upstairs so I decided to prowl around downstairs and see what I could find. I passed through a den of some sort, complete with the same motif as the rest of the place, and found what looked like an office or a study. There was a giant wooden desk with a highbacked red velvet chair behind it that looked like a member of a royal family should be perched on it.

I went to the desk and looked around. There were papers scattered all over the top, including an appointment book...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 170

Tiki Moon #170

The foyer was gorgeous. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, shining down on a beautiful Persian rug that was sprawled across the hardwood floor. Against the small wall between the two heavy front doors sat a polished marble table top being held up by two copper lions who almost looked as if they'd crawled under there to take refuge from a storm.

The mahogany staircase leading to the second floor had a series of spindles under the handrail that had intricate patterns carved throughout them.

Even the staircase was a work of art. This place was definitely not cheap...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 169

Tiki Moon #169

Lights were on all over the house, which meant I wouldn't need the flashlight. It also meant I couldn't sneak around in the dark. The pantry led to a small hallway. The walls were all of a thick, rich looking stained wood. There was a painting in the hall that looked like some sort of religious painting from ancient Rome. Neither Deborah nor Morty struck me as the pious type, so perhaps it was simply for aesthetics.

I could hear talking upstairs as I reached the end of the hall. I turned the corner, finding myself in the front foyer...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 168

Tiki Moon #168

It was locked, naturally. Aside from my gun I had brought two other party favors with me: a flashlight and a lockpick. I pulled them both from my back pockets. I turned on the flashlight, directed the light toward the keyhole and began picking the lock. It took a few tries but I finally got it unlocked.

I eased open the door, which squeaked slightly but to me sounded like a buzzsaw in the otherwise quiet Beverly Hills night. I shined the flashlight around the room. It was unremarkable, just a place for storing groceries.

I opened the pantry door...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 167

Tiki Moon #167

On the right side of Mort's house was an oak tree with a limb that hung down over the fence. I took a running jump and grabbed hold of the limb and pulled myself onto it, and then climbed across it until I'd gone over the fence. I dropped back down onto the ground.

I was hoping Morty was still at the Tiki Moon, but either way I intended to get some answers tonight.

I eased up to a side door and peered in. It looked like a big pantry, probably where their groceries were delivered.

I turned the doorknob...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 166

Tiki Moon #166

I drove to Morty's house in Beverly Hills at about 11:45 pm and parked on a side street. I knew from my first visit that there was a guard shack at the gated entrance and a high fence around the whole place. I was going to have to find a more secluded way in.

Beverly Hills at the cusp of the witching hour was a strange place. It was oddly quiet. There were lights burning in different rooms of the mansions I saw as I walked in the shadows toward Mort's place.

I wondered what went on in those rooms...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 165

Tiki Moon #165

When I got home I dispensed with Groucho's tux, took another shower and then dressed all in black: slacks, t-shirt, jacket, shoes. I was going to break into Mort's house, hopefully before he returned from the Tiki Moon, and have a look around. Actually, it wasn't breaking in at all. I worked for Deborah Newstead and she owned the place. And I had carte blanche to do what was needed to determine who was in cahoots with Morty.

The more I pondered it, it appeared that Nick Berman was in collusion with Mort.

I just had to prove it...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 164

Tiki Moon #164

It was probably a sure bet that Mr. Saint was the one who shot at me in the phone booth a few days before. The question was how did he find me? He might have known which ocean liner I had taken and had it staked out when it reached port. But if he followed me from the docks then he saw me go to the precinct when I visited Harrigan. Maybe he thought I was speaking to the cops about Deborah's disappearance. In any case, Mr. Saint was going to have to be dealt with.

One way or another...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 163

Tiki Moon #163

I slipped through the parking lot, taking cover behind cars, looking for Mr. Saint, but he had given me the slip. I pulled the Groucho glasses off, holstered my gun, and headed for my car. I could've easily gone back into the Tiki Moon and gotten my money from Morty, but I needed an excuse to go to his house. I wanted to have a look around the place. And I wasn't holding my breath for an invitation from ole' Morty.

As I drove back to my apartment I was collecting my thoughts and trying to piece some things together...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 162

Tiki Moon #162

The next thing I knew Mr. Saint had disappeared into the darkness. Some of the more brave souls at the party had eased up to the door to get a glimpse of the shootout.

I can imagine the cops questioning a guy dressed up like Superman saying, "Yeah, officer, it's the damnedest thing. The Lone Ranger came running out of the back shooting at Groucho Marx, who was chasing him! Then Groucho pulled a gun and shot at him! They ran outside and The Lone Ranger disappeared!"

The poor cop that gets this assignment would definitely earn his next paycheck...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 161

Tiki Moon #161

Mr. Saint obviously couldn't run as fast in those cowboy boots as he would've liked. My wingtips weren't exactly made for running either but I had almost caught up to him. Just as I burst out the front doors he turned and fired again. I took refuge behind one of the Tikis that stood out front. The bullet took a chunk out of his wooden ear. I was hoping he would put a curse on Mr. Saint in retaliation, but I couldn't rely on that. I peeked out and fired at Mr. Saint. He quickly ducked behind a parked car...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 160

Tiki Moon #160

Mr. Saint made it out of the hallway and burst back into the club. There were too many people here to get into a shootout, but Mr. Saint didn't let the crowd bother him. He turned back as he ran and took a shot at me, which I ducked, just as I exited the hallway. Then the pandemonium began. People started screaming and running for cover. It slowed me down as I had to push my way through the panicked throng.

Mr. Saint was now running flat out for the front doors. But I was closing in on him fast...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 159

Tiki Moon #159

He looked down for a split second and I grabbed the wrist of the hand he was holding the gun in, pulling his arm up in the air. Then I gave him a right cross squarely on the jaw. He staggered backwards through the doorway and into the hall. I pulled my gun from my shoulder holster. He saw I was now packing heat too and quickly got to his feet and started running.

I yelled at Morty, "Hold on to my money. I'll come to your house and get it later."

I ran down the hall after Mr. Saint...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 158

Tiki Moon #158

"Lemme tell youse something, Groucho," Mr. Saint said. "I ain't one of doze hit men who has a policy dat dey only kill when dere paid to. I'll put a bullet in youse widout blinkin'."

I was starting to believe he would. I had to have a diversion.

"Okay," I said as I turned and put the attache case on the desk. I opened it and got out stacks adding up to ten thousand dollars.

I turned back to him.

"Here, here's 10 G's," I said as I went to hand him the money.

I dropped it at his feet...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 157

Tiki Moon #157

Mort looked at me, "Is this true?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Morty. I'm not Mr. Saint. But I am the guy that took care of your problem."

"And took my job," Mr. Saint said.

"You weren't hired yet," I said. "Why don't you complain to the Better Business Bureau?"

He turned the gun fully on me.

"I want half of da money you made on dis job. Call it a finder's fee," Mr. Saint said.

I laughed loudly, "You'll get half of this money when they hold the Winter Olympics in Hell!"

He cocked the pistol. Me and my big mouth...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 156

Tiki Moon #156

It was weird hearing a Chicago mobster's voice coming from The Lone Ranger, but I live in a weird world.

He pulled his six-shooter from the holster as he stepped in, eyeing us all.

"Now, I talked to one-a youse on the phone and set up a meeting here," Mr. Saint said.

Nick nodded, "That would've been me."

So, Nick was the one who turned Morty on to the hit man.

"So, I shows up dat night and den dis clown comes in and takes my job. I don't like that!" he screamed.

Neither do I, Mr. Saint...

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 155

Tiki Moon #155

"They even interviewed me," Nick said.

"I wonder why they thought Benjamin Franklin would know about it."

He grinned, "I'm Nick Berman. I'm the vice president of the construction company that Mort's wife ran."

"Guess you'll get a promotion outta this," I said.

"Well," Morty said with a sigh, "I'm just glad it's all over. Now I can move on."

He smiled at Nick. It was odd how calm and relieved he was about it all.

"Well, anyway. Thank you, Mr. Saint," Morty said.

The door flew open. The Lone Ranger was standing there.

"He ain't Mr. Saint. I am!"

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 154

Tiki Moon #154

Nick chuckled and Morty looked kinda funny, like he didn't expect a hit man to have a sense of humor. I figured I should tone it down a little for the sake of appearances. I walked over to the case and closed it.

"Am I right to assume the L.A.P.D. has already talked to you, Morty?"

He nodded, "That was hard. They practically talked to me like I killed her."

"No," I said, "that's what you paid me for. Anyway, that's a typical cop practice. They always look at the immediate family first as suspects and then go from there."

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 153

Tiki Moon #153

Morty closed the door and then said, "Nick, grab the case from the closet."

So, Benjamin Franklin was none other than Nick Berman, vice president of the Commonwealth Construction Company and, according to Deborah, Morty's new best friend.

He went to the closet and retrieved a beat-up looking brown leather attache case. He set it on the desk and popped it open. There were multiple stacks of well-worn 20 dollar bills.

I took out my cigar and said, in Groucho's voice, "The last time I saw that much cabbage I was in the produce section of the supermarket!"

Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 152

Tiki Moon #152

"Let's go to the office. That's where your money is. I'm good friends with the owner. We'll have privacy there."

He and Benjamin Franklin, to whom I still had yet to be introduced, turned and walked toward the back of the club. I walked behind with legs bent at the knees, staying in the character of Groucho. Why I don't know.

We passed through a door and down a hall to another door marked "Manager." Morty opened it and let Benjy and me go through first.

It was a plush office. The Tiki Moon's manager was doing well for himself...