"Life scientific" drabbles by Gary Stu Totalitni
Conference, day 6: The reckoning
Life scientific
With the closing ceremony came the awards - yearly Dirac and Schrödinger medals, rewards for best conference posters. I considered the past week. Excellent science had been presented. Just not by me. My notebook was full of remarks on better people's research. I frowned. I didn't understand half of it anymore. The other half was interesting, but way out of my league. I considered the other scientists. Some were interested in my work. Looking back, it must have seemed trivial to them. I sighed. Question everything is a scientist's creed. But why does it have to include the scientist's own abilities?
Conference, day 5: Survival of the social
Life scientific
Finally, social events day. A beer history tour, local food tour, dinner at some great and famous place. What a pleasure.
Or not.
No beer on the beer tour.
Overeating on local delicacies.
For the dinner, I joined my colleagues in uncomfortable silence punctuated by skittish attempts at small talk. Science was mentioned several times, enlivening the debate. But no-one brought their data to discuss, so the talk always degraded to nervous conversations about home countries.
I fell on the bed, completely exhausted. Social events to unwind, my arse. Give me a hard lecture about disputed topic any day...
Conference, day 4: The battle
Life scientific
I put up my poster and tested the waters. Many liked it - I recruited allies.
The evening came accompanied by my enemy. The Professor stared at the poster for ages. I summoned my defences and waited. I easily deflected a volley of predictable attacks. My nemesis didn't surrender. The second wave of questions was tougher, but my ally-bolstered defences withstood the onslaught. Then came several wide shots that caught me off guard. My work had unsuspected holes.
``Interesting theory,'' the professor addressed one of my allies. ``You just need to refine it.''
He marched off, leaving me thoroughly crestfallen.
Conference, day 3: The choices
Life scientific
Browsing today's program, I don't see many talks by interesting speakers or on attractive topics. I circle the appealing ones and frown. A lot of gaps. What else to do? I check the program again noting the more compelling titles I have dismissed. This talk will consist of slides overflowing with unintelligible algebra. And this guy always uses handwritten slides - undecipherable text accompanied by quiet mumbling. What a choice.
Wait, what am I thinking - is this work or a conference? I'll go for a beer and return in the evening. There's gonna be a free drink at the poster session.
Conference, day 2: The breakthrough
Life scientific
Listening to lecture after lecture, my excitement grew. As the speakers rambled through introductions, desperately trying to justify their work and connect it to the real world, I was joining the dots between previous talks and my own research. On coffee breaks I discussed the insights with my enemies (sorry, colleagues). My excitement kept growing.
In the evening I eagerly powered up my laptop to check finer points of my theory and to polish it.
In minutes it all came crushing down. This work wasn't destined to be the revolutionary piece I had envisioned. Well, next time will be different...
Conference, day 1: (Un)familiar faces
Life scientific
I glimpsed my nemesis amongst the gathered academics. I sharpened my wit and checked theoretical knowledge for signs of rust. I hesitated seeing a gleaming scalp and old-fashioned clothes. An armour of a veteran professor. Wouldn't a poster session give me bulletproof scientific results? To dodge exceptional obstinacy. Yes, I would wait.
``Hello.''
I turned to see a young woman. I couldn't place her. But long hair, makeup and fashionable clothes pointed to a battle ready doctoral student. She obviously knew me. Maybe she could provide additional firepower.
``Hello,'' I smiled testing waters. ``You do remember my unorthodox approach?''
(Un)Scientific method
Life scientific
No more comments for my previous stuff. Why? Writing's my profession (unfortunately). Months (officially) of creating grant proposals (glanced over by people with their own grant proposals). Years of publication writing (commanding others to write) to attract citations (from authors who reference based on papers' titles - just like me).
You see? I am a professional writer. Years of it and yet the minutes spent creating my previous stories didn't bring me fame? Wait, aren't there inconsistencies in those numbers? Well, let's call it paradigm of creative works, make up a theory and submit a grant proposal. (Someone would surely bite.)
