This Week's Local Happenings

LOCAL BABY SHAMING AWARDS
Tell Skaggerston just how much of a little shit your pride and joy can be. Refreshments provided. Town hall, Aug 7th, 12.30am.

HUNT THE ROMANIAN
Jill Kinniver is arranging another of her popular 'Romanian Hunts' this Sunday at 3pm in the Donald Crowhurst Woods. Bring a spade.

SEX RAFFLE
£2 a book. Prizes include oral, fingerings, and all-the-way. Sheaths provided. 3.30pm, Kuntzdrama Club, Wogan Suite.

POLITE REMINDER TO ALL CITIZENS -
Are you a waste of oxygen? Ensure you carry your oxygen entitlement card at all times to avoid suffocation by the zero-tolerance patrols.