Stretched
"Faaaast"
"Yes, doing. Don't panic me. I can't even itch!"
"We have fiiiive minutes, you can do it. You've been practicing. Many, many days..."
My breath is shaky, brows narrowed. Sweat trickles through my temples.
I give my undivided attention through all distractions. It has to withstand the test!
Now the last straw and most important.
"I think you covered them all. Are you ?"
(Snap)
"Ah, done!"
Then it survived the routine calculated hops, jumps, twirls and the random welcome hug test.
"V! careful"
She touches her PONYTAIL and shoots a thumbs up from the bus window.
"Bye, DAD!"
- Category: General / Misc
5 comments add one below
-
VerityAlways almost 2 years ago
This is an attempt at dialogue. I'm sure it needs correction. All ears to suggestions!
-
Jeff Taylor almost 2 years ago
Constructive criticism I hope! 😊
When I'm writing dialogue, I imagine the characters talking like on a TV/Movie screen. I'm having problems understanding "I can't even itch!" Also, the "You've been practising many, many days..." (To me) Feels unnatural. I've found it easier to "Say" the conversation and then edit the situation text around it for drabbles. The conversation feels more natural that way. So, "Many, many days..." might become "You've been practising for absolute ages!" Same meaning, but more natural.
Do more of these! 😄
-
VerityAlways almost 2 years ago
Thank you, Christopher
-
VerityAlways almost 2 years ago
Thank you very much, Jeff. Your suggestions are great help. I truly appreciate each input and will work on them. Please excuse my tardiness. Haven't been active for few days.
Ps - constructive criticism and feedback always welcomed -
VerityAlways almost 2 years ago
Thank you, Jamie!
