News Capsule #8

Hello and Welcome.
Today, we bring to light Tom's and his cousins plight as they're forced to turn guineas to the universal fact of shock absorbance.
Tom confessed toddler bullies hatched many traps to debunk this theory. Perennial and perilous attempts. He warns their mysterious smiles and giggles aren’t pet-friendly.
Tom is disappointed, and for him, the deal-breaker was food. He suspected their icky sticky fingers contaminated his food, and there was something fishy.
Voila!
The proof was in the pudding- a puddle of drools.
Hooter is helping them file for emancipation from these mischievous minions.
Stay tuned!