Panicking...

I feel the panic rising...

It reaches up,
Into my chest.

I feel it pounding away,
At my gates of calm.

Then!
The walls are breached.
The panic storms upwards...

My breathing becomes sudden,
Frantic, fast, gasping.
Burying my face in the pillow,
Screaming, crying, rasping.

I've lost control again.
I know I can find it, I know I can.
I must stop. This. Panic.
I must be a man?

The frenzied sounds fade.
I feel myself returning.
I feel the moment turning.
From bed in which I've laid.

But a glance behind me.
When next will it find me?