Now here's a word from antique jokester Hammond Rye for the Schlock Comedian's School:
"Howareya, howareya, howareya?! Hammond Rye here, speaking for my cousin Hammond Wholewheat! Can I get a rimshot here?"
"Thank you. I've just flown in from Pittsburgh and, boy, are my arms tired!"
"Thank you. Here at the Schlock Comedian's School we'll teach you everything we know. Semesters last about five minutes!"
"Thank you. In the modern age of everyone being offended by everything, we'll teach you to be a comedian in the classic sense of the word..."