"Guards Vandals" drabbles by Neville Hunt

Light Relief

Guards Vandals #2

Drinking too much beer is a terrible thing. It allows even professionals to indulge in bad behaviour, particularly when travelling covertly in an unmanned guards van.

I was travelling back with McB and the guards van seemed the best bet when the train was so full. But when you've had a few beers beforehand, you can't sleep for lack of seats and the dirty floor might spoil your office suit. Time for mischief.

The real fun was not so much switching out all the lights in half the train, but opening the doors to hear the passengers' angry reactions. Priceless!

Relief

Guards Vandals #1

In the days before St Pancras had its overhaul to become London's European gateway, the greatest innovation there had been the opening of the Shires Bar, a temple to 'real ale'. McB and I travelled home one cloudless night after checking out the ales.

The train, an old DMU, was full to bursting. We sneaked into a guards van. Soon, we were bursting too, Fortunately the van doors opened inwards, allowing us simultaneous relief on either side of the train. We relieved ourselves just as the train entered the Elstree Tunnel. The train emerged with windows evidencing horizontal rain. Slashback!