"Escapoo" drabbles by Neville Hunt

Pooscript

Escapoo #5

Nobody’s fessed up to laying that particular little egg. They are probably carrying on thinking it really was Little H or another little innocent. Little H seems unperturd by it all.

But Granny and I have our shortlist. Among the club members are a number of super-senior citizens, the ladies among whom swim in tight-fitting bathing costumes - not guilty! However, some of the old men, well let’s just say they hang loose. Maybe one of them let off a ‘sneaky one’, prompting unconscious ‘follow-through’ without safety net.

We have names...

And before you ask, it wasn’t me!

Whodunnit?

Escapoo #4

24 hours later to the minute, I was back in the pool for my daily swimming quota. Others, not so brave, maybe wanted to give it extra time to be sure. Yippee. I had the pool all to myself, the way I like it. I was certain the combination of spring water and chlorine would render the pool poo-free... I was prepared to take the risk.

Looking to exonerate Little H, Granny and I discussed it all. We decided, given swimming pant technology today, it was far more likely that an adult was perhaps the unwitting culprit, but who?

Faeshing

Escapoo #3

The officials called in the big guns... or rather a big net. No more than the size of a broad bean, the evidence was faeshed up from the bottom. Nobody touched or sniffed the offending object. They just looked at it. ”What is it?” followed by ”Eeeeew! Disgusting! Who?”

The Chief of Poolice didn’t seem bothered about ‘who’, but what to do now. Her decision was to close the establishment for 24 hours, enough time for the spring water feeding the pool to flush right through.

Fortunately, I’d just finished swimming my daily lengths, so I didn’t give a shit!

Getting to the bottom of it

Escapoo #2

The Chief of Poolice called for forensics. This was a big job. There could be repoocussions. Who was the culprit?

I had already given testimony putting Little H in the clear. His alibi wasn’t exactly cast iron, but rather tightly elasticated. I did a faecebility study. Nothing could have escaped from that panticular prison. The pants were clean!

They pretended to believe me, but I suspected that after we had left, there would have been mutterings and mumchancing. ”I wouldn’t say this to his grandpa, but I bet it was the little lad! It stands to reason!”

H wasn’t deturd!

Prime suspect

Escapoo #1

Drama down at the pool two days ago. One of the officials spotted it and from then on it was shutdown. A 24-hour no-go zone was declared by the Chief of Poolice. Innocents were told to get the hell out, but at that stage, nobody was ruled out or let in. Was this terrorism, a dirty protest or just an escapee on parole.

I guessed Little H would immediately be prime suspect, having been identified at the scene half an hour before. But I knew he was as innocent as a fruit drink.

I’d already checked his nappy.