"Daily Horoscope" drabbles by Christopher
Daily Horoscope (2/2)
Daily Horoscope #2
Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) - Oil your gun and make sure it's loaded. Seriously.
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - Today's the day you may finally get laid.
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) - All signs point to you clogging your toilet while trying to flush a mink coat.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) - Don't sing "Light My Fire" while wrestling with a pig, unless it's after 4 PM EST and the pig is under 150 lbs. and isn't named Norman.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) - A good day to polish a penguin.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) - Don't buy earwax online.
Daily Horoscope (1/2)
Daily Horoscope #1
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - Expect everyone you meet today to slap you in the face with a beaver.
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) - Don't lend money today to a toddler trying to buy a Ferrari.
Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19) A great day to fry an egg on a flashlight.
Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20) - Don't drown a baby hamster in a bowl of Jell-O.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) - You'll be in a peak position today to stuff tuna down your trousers.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22) - Don't drink bleach while standing on your head in Cleveland.
