It's a Tough Job...

"Are you on the telly?" the dentist asked me.
"No," I said.
She scrutinised my face. "That's it!" she squealed. "I saw you on Amazon, you're an author. You're that whack job that writes about unicorns."
"That's not quite the way I phrased it in my Amazon author profile," I said.
"Can we go on a date?"
She's at least twenty years younger than me. "Okay."
She squealed again.
Our date was lukewarm.
"I don't think we're compatible," she sighed, as we sat in my car.
I fumbled with my fly and produced my dangling participle - and now we're engaged.