'U' for Unclassified, 'X' for Effort

Only one girl and I signed up for Ordinary Level Religious Education. We got to stay in the classroom at dinner time. But we didn’t investigate contemporary moral dilemmas, at least not in the way we were meant to.

Instead we ate Skips, listened to ‘Hooked on Classics’ and had copious amounts of what Jeremy Kyle euphemistically refers to as ‘sexual contact’.

We were so busy getting jiggy to Tchaikovsky that we didn’t give a shit about the exam.

So I wasn’t holding my breath when results day came round.

Both of us, after all that effort, only rated ‘U’.