Knit and Natter and Murder

This was going down as one of the all-time classics: five coffin dodging pensioners meet for the weekly Knit and Natter. Only four leave on their Zimmer frames. Number Five goes out in a box, kebabbed through the eye with a 4mm knitting needle.

The coroner ruled the death an unfortunate accident: she fell asleep, dropped off the toilet and stabbed herself.

‘She knitted everything for Craft Fayre,’ confided Mavis afterwards.

‘Well she was showing the rest of us up,’ agreed Sybil.

‘We couldn’t let her take all the credit,’ whispered Helen.

‘We had to do something,’ sighed Doreen.