The New Mayor of Chaosville

Listen, nobody forced you to run for mayor. You volunteered. You thought it would be a great way to serve your community or whatever.

You should have expected the invasion. These things happen every other year in a town like this, so you should have assumed that 32 1/2 ships would descend from the sky, and that the alligator people would come out and eat pedestrians and defecate all over public transportation, and that their lasers turn steel into rubber noodles, before you ran for office.

Oh look, and now they’re setting things on fire. Time to write a memo.