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“You know that woman who lives opposite you?”
“Which …?”
“The one who looks like she’s got footballs up her jumper. Face like the back end of a bus though …”
“Oh, Elaine?”
“That’s her. Do you know she works in the Stockbridge Building Society?”
“Yes, she’s a …”
“One of the top ones in the Branch mate, when she speaks, they jump, I‘ll tell you. Well she’s fixed me up with a mortgage.”
“Oh yes, what’s the interest rate?”
“No idea mate, I couldn’t take my eyes off her tits. In fact, I don’t even remember signing the form.”

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