On my 41st birthday I awoke with Tourette's syndrome.
After shaving I cut the inside of my arm with the razor and muttered truths about myself.
At the breakfast table I said to my wife, “You’re an entitled failure who uses fear to control and abuses other people's good nature.”
To my son, “A better father would disown you.”
To my daughter, “you’re selfish, vain, vacant… I’d love to squeeze your bottom.”
At work I stood on my desk and yelled;
”My constant moaning, cynicism, complaints to the Union and laziness belie my inadequacy. Honestly, I'm grateful to be employed”
Rodindeadpan over 4 years ago
Good one Jim
Drew Martyn over 4 years ago
Original and both shocking and darkly funny. Nice one.
Kimberly over 4 years ago
If this is not a true picture of midlife crisis, I do not know what is....I went through my own when I turned 40.
D.M. over 4 years ago
A good read! The lines "muttered truths about myself" and the gratitude of employment at the end provide a balance to the other quips to family.