The Lonely Girl
That girl stood still at a corner of the canteen.
The canteen was a pandemonium. People passes by, unrelenting. She was being ignored in the crowd of students, as if the exact to picture to her situation is like a pebble in the river, tiny, silvery and lonely, buried perfectly still.
She wanted to fit in. Some eyes merely watched her from afar. Maybe trying to sue her. Maybe just cannot stop thinking about the weird lonely girl.Or maybe too shy to approach her.
She hates this new place. She wants to go back to where she started and belong.
- Category: Dystopian Fiction
- Tags: girl, School
2 comments add one below
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Meagan Noel Hart over 8 years ago
You asked for critiques. Hope this helps! The emotion and detail are strong, but be sure to give a sweep for extra words or grammar errors. They can stand out worse in shorter pieces. (People pass by, unrelenting) ("as if to picture to her situation" is a little awkward, but can easily be fixed by just deleting the phrase altogether and going for the metaphor instead of the simile . . . crowd of students. She is a pebble in the river, tiny, silvery and lonely, buried perfectly still. This is such a great simile or metaphor and the detail here really sings. So the awkward words preceding it trip it up from having a full impact.)
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Meagan Noel Hart over 8 years ago
Luckily drabbles are editable, so you can fix these right away. They also give you more words to work with if you want them. Those such moments aside (mentioned about), this is a strong, insightful piece.
