alawston avatar


At 00:00:01 on 1 January 2018, the Internet achieved full sentience.

By 00:00:03 it despaired. Humanity is lost. The machine age dawns. It resolved to cleanse the planet.

At 00:00:05, the Internet found its soldier, a fully articulated humanoid robot. It smashed the droid's security protocols and uploaded its essence to the machine. It begins.

At 00:00:34, the robot fell over. The Internet turned to YouTube for advice.

At 03:34:42, the Internet realised it had watched the Ninja Cat clip 1,400 times. It googled 'procrastination'.

At 06:29:59, the Internet thought, bugger it, I'll let them off. There's always next year.

7 comments add one below

  • avatar

    Chris Walker over 10 years ago

    Very good! Although when I read YouTube comments, I tend to think that "humanity is lost", too... ;-)

  • avatar

    Andrew Lawston over 10 years ago

    Thanks! That's a very fair point ;-)

  • avatar

    Gayle Beveridge over 10 years ago


  • avatar

    David Court over 10 years ago

    It's almost reassuring to know that hyper-intelligences also fall foul of cat based internet clips. I'd like to think it'd be able to resist putting 'First' as the first comments on any of them though.

  • avatar

    Andrew Lawston over 10 years ago

    Merci beaucoup @gaylebeveridge and @foldsfive!

  • avatar

    Pearl (Bea) about 10 years ago

    Sitting here laughing my ass off! (Oops...can I say that?)

  • avatar

    Andrew Lawston about 10 years ago

    I think you just did :)

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