I cannot believe the gall of those chancers across the road, opening a rival funeral parlour. How dare they! No respect for the dead.
Death is sacred. It comes to all of us, yet each passing should be unique. Something Faragher & Sons has prided itself on for over fifty years. Not the fly-by-night merchants over the road - I mean....Brown Bread Inc.???? What kind of a name is that for an undertaker? And drive-thru funerals? My God.
Which is why I'm taking matters into my own hands. Tonight, I unleash the rats in their chapel of rest.