Lord Lucan Isn't Missing, He Lives in Shepperton

'Alright Lucky...what'll it be?' asked the tired-looking barman.
'Pint please, George' came the reply. 'Mind if I smoke?'
'You know the rules, mate...you'll have to go outside'
Lucky looked incredulous. 'It's pissing it down out there, Harry' he said.
A sigh. 'Alright...I'll fetch the fan. Can't have it smelling of smoke in here'
Harry placed his pint before him. Lucky took a sip. Harry nodded at him.
'Heads up...looks like we've got company' he said.
'Do we have to?' he moaned.
Wearily, Lucky got up and hid behind the bar as the first of the regulars entered the pub.