Period drama

As vampiric attacks go his was incredibly lame. Although, in his defense, he did have a rather nasty mouth ulcer that made it quite painful for him to bite.
And as for his erstwhile victim; well she felt she had always disappointed people one way or another, and even having sat through repeated viewings of the entire Twilight Saga together she was embarrassingly at a loss as to how best to help him.
Suddenly another of the painful cramps they had sadly been greeted by that very morning provided the answer. Maybe her body's betrayal could satisfy him after all.