Jake Randolph in "Tiki Moon" Pt. 215

His voice was whiny, like bald tires running flat out on the highway. He looked like he'd just snorted a glass of lemon juice.

"Whatever floor Apartment 24 is on," I said as he closed the elevator's scissor gate.

"That'll be floor two," he said, clearly the frontrunner in this year's Most Annoying Voice Ever competition.

The elevator lunged into action as it pulled us up to the second floor.

"Second floor," he squeaked as he opened the scissor gate.

This little guy needed to gargle with some hinge oil.

I walked down the hall to Apartment 24 and knocked...