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The Previous Owner #129

by

She got in. I turned back toward Weeping Springs.

"Thanks for stopping. I was so scared."

"No problem."

She was looking at my face in the glow of the dashboard.

"You look familiar. Do I know you?"

"You might. I'm a filmmaker."

"Oh yeah! Teddy Martin!"

I smiled, "That's right."

"God, I've always wanted to get into films."

"Would'ya like a screen test? I have a camera. We could go back to my place in Weeping Springs. Who knows, you might become a star."

"Really! Wow, that'd be awesome!"

I knew I'd just found the perfect ending to my script.

16 comments add one below

  • avatar

    Christopher about 2 months ago

    Well, that's it for my first write-it-as-you-go-along drabble series. I hope there weren't too many plotholes and inconsistencies.

    If the ending is a bit vague it's because I wanted the reader to draw their own conclusion. I had that ending right from the start when I got this idea. It was just a matter of filling it in until the two ends met.

  • avatar

    Drew Martyn about 2 months ago

    Christopher, that was superb!
    I don't know where to start - the number of times I had goosebumps, the creepy, eerie atmosphere you created, the sense I had of claustrophobia in the house. The pacing of the story is superb, especially for something written as you went along. But I think best of all I loved the end. I really wasn't expecting that turn of events, and honestly you handled it like a master.

  • avatar

    Drew Martyn about 2 months ago

    I probably shouldn't compare stories here because everyone's got their own individual style, but for me it's like a cross between Stephen King (obviously) and the characters and settings of a Ray Bradbury or Paul Auster.
    Nice one, thanks for sharing man and (I hope I've made it obvious) I really enjoyed it :)

  • avatar

    Christopher about 2 months ago

    Wow! I don't mind being in company like that (although I have to admit I don't know who Paul Auster is, I'll have to check him out).

    Thanks so much for the support, Drew. You and Neville are what make this place a joy to be a part of.

  • avatar

    Christopher about 2 months ago

    I wanted to give the reader the option of thinking it was either supernatural or simply the power of suggestion. Everything in the story could have a logical explanation except one. Every owner of the house after Mark Finch dreamt accurately about Betty Finch even though they'd never seen her before.

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt about 2 months ago

    Wow Christopher. What a great end. Totally unexpected. Like Drew I have been drawn in to the evil of the house, its occupants and its story. Completely gobsmacked with the denouement. What goes round comes round... maybe! You have written this on the fly, but I think it’s all the better for that.... There is an air of spontaneity about your writing and the way you have developed the creepiness of the story and I am sure that had you thought it through too much, with an overdose of fussing about inconsistencies, then I think you might have lost the freshness of the idea. Brilliant stuff, mate.

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt about 2 months ago

    More of this kind of writing please Christopher, you’re very good at it. Thanks for the ride, although I’m guessing that not everyone might feel that way when she arrives chez Teddy! Particularly when Teddy gets her bare .... 😁

  • avatar

    Christopher about 2 months ago

    Thanks so much, Neville. I really appreciate the support. I have a story I was working on that I shelved about a writer who gets mixed up with this goth neo-punk band that go around like wanna-be vampires. When I finish the next Jake Randolph story I'll go back to that one.

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt about 2 months ago

    Can’t wait! (for Jake and the goth neo-punk band!)

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt about 2 months ago

    Christopher, I’ve been thinking about this story and the more I think about it, the more perfect an ending you have conceived. Endings are so critical as it’s the most recent memory of the story. This one is excellent!

  • avatar

    Christopher about 2 months ago

    Thanks so much, Neville. I knew exactly how I wanted it to end when the idea first came to me. It was all the middle bits that I had to work out. As I said earlier, I had the idea at the beginning that I wanted the town of Weeping Springs to be this weird little place, populated by odd characters. I wound up not doing that when I needed some of the townspeople to be sympathetic and help fill in the blanks of the story. The mysterious old guy at the diner that described Betty Finch was how I originally wanted the whole town to be like, but the narrative mutinied on me.

    Thanks again for reading and for the supportive comments.

  • avatar

    Drew Martyn about 2 months ago

    Haha you've just got to love "the narrative mutinied on me" - it's so true, exactly what happens :)

  • avatar

    Christopher about 2 months ago

    :)

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt about 2 months ago

    I like the idea of a Weeping Springs-like place full of weirdos, although the story you told was perfect. Maybe you can build some weird characters into a new story. Over here, the Isle of Ely is oft accused (wrongly of course - don’t want to offend Ely folk!) of having more than its fair share of odd folk on account of its restricted gene pool, given its relative isolation... but then that’s where my reasonably recent ancestors come from.... so maybe that explains a lot! 🥺

  • avatar

    Laura Rebecca Hohler about 2 months ago

    Creepy! Nice one

  • avatar

    Christopher about 2 months ago

    Thanks, Laura. That was the final drabble of a series.

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