Meteorologists

I hate meteorologists. Last winter, my local weatherman said, "Don't worry, it's not going to freeze overnight. No need to leave your pipes dripping or bring your plants and pets in." I woke up the next morning and my pipes were frozen, all my plants were dead, and my dog looked like he'd just come back from the taxidermist.

Nice going, dipstick. Where'd you learn meteorology anyway? It was probably a correspondence course you got out of last month's issue of Popular Mechanics. Stop pointing at an imaginary map behind you and look out the window, you useless ass hat!