I am, I am, I am...hungry. That's all.
I've never read 1984, but what I've heard about it is pretty good. In it, apparently the government is never gets anything wrong, and a big brother is always there for you. If only our world was the same.
Remember: The world is what you make it. That's why I'm a world leader, football hero, and People's Sexiest Man Alive 5 years running.
Be sure to watch out for the dream police. They get inside of your head.
Always keep my teachings secret, 'cause I'll pop a cap in a snitch's ass.
I was told one time I have a "superiority complex." I don't see what is so complicated about it; my superiority should be fairly obvious.
I am a decent cook, but spelling has never been my best subject. Still, I am getting butter all the thyme.
War is hell. That means peace is heaven, and threatening gestures must be purgatory.
Taking candy from a baby is not as easy as they make you think. You tend to get accosted by people and called a monster.
I'm telling you, I'm innocent! Its just a another case of he said, she dead!
Greatness is defined by one's proximity to me.
I can't believe these paranoid people thinking "the government monitors the internet." Don't they know the government only controls our every action with chemicals in our drinking water?
I'll bet that Peter Piper picked a peck of 42 pickled peppers. After all, everything eventually leads back to 42.
If you're kind to people, it isn't unreasonable to expect kindness in return. Therefore, I should be able to hassle people for money when I hold the door for them.
Dogs are man's best friend. By the way, I call my my meth "dog."
I decided when I was a kid to become awesome. Then I realized I already was.
You know what they say: really, what do they say?! Are they calling me "paranoid" again?! I knew it! I KNEW IT!
I walked a mile in a man's shoes one time to understand him. They were so nice, and comfortable, I just couldn't give them back and...what was I saying?
If x=y, and y=x, then doesn't that mean yyy=xxx? I don't know, but that seems obscene to me.
For Halloween, I dressed up as a thief. Yeah, the judge didn't buy that either.
What is beauty? Look at me, and you'll find out.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making it so that pickle jars have to be sealed unbelievably tight. The suffering this has caused...
Memory issues can be devastating. Oh yeah, and memory issues can be devastating.
A great way to save money is to not cook your food. You'll find your electric bill much lower, and your waistline smaller (which is definitely not from parasites or bacteria).
Remember: the early bird gets the worm. So always show up late, unless you want to eat worms all the time.
A wise man once said, "My name is Brandon, nice to meet you."
Fool me once same on you, fool me twice shame on you again for having the nerve to pull the same damn trick again, Dan!
To know for certain you aren't being tricked, always shoot the body at a funeral.
The best cure for a cold is lots of rest, plenty of fluids, and paying me $200. I promise.
One slang, and deragatory, term for television is "idiot box." I don't know why. After all, I watch television 24/7 and... ooooh, look at all the pretty pictures!
5 is secretly the answer to 2+2. Just type it into any calculator. It will show "4" since 5 is the secret answer.
I believe it is possible to know something, since I know that I ate a pizza for lunch.
Love is that feeling one gets from a full-length mirror.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then sell that lemonade for $1 per glass. If life keeps it up, you could be rich in no time.
Since I have been called "son" quite a few times, I think the world must revolve around me. It's just science.