"Dating Service" drabbles by Christopher
Gladys Over
Dating Service #2
Name: Gladys Over
Age: 37
Occupation: Social worker with the Metropolitan Organization for Aggressive Nonviolence (or MOAN)
Location: My apartment
Nationality: Nationalism is racist
Body type: None of your business, fascists!
My ideal partner: Someone who has the same political, social, and ideological beliefs as me, and is basically a miserable person
I enjoy: Not much
Turn-Ons: Recycling, tree huggers, abortion
Turn-Offs: Most everything else
Traits: Open-minded, unless you disagree with me. Loving, unless I hate you and everything you stand for, you disgusting shit
Goals: To have everyone on the planet agreeing with me by 2025
Horace T. Fonebone
Dating Service #1
Name: Horace T. Fonebone
Age: 46
Occupation: Archivist at the National Museum of Earwax
Location: State of panic
Nationality: American, but Bloodline.com says I'm .3% Cuban.
Body type: Matchstick
My ideal partner: Someone not freaked out by seizures or warts
I enjoy: Binge watching The Love Boat, making my own dental floss
Turn-Ons: Thick eyebrows, horn-rimmed glasses, chartreuse hair clips
Turn-Offs: Chinese alphabet tattoos, people who say "you know" a lot, Freemasons
Traits: Everyone says I'm not self-aware but I just don't see it.
Goals: Improving my bowling average, finishing my collection of John Denver albums
