"And Now A Word From Our Sponsor" drabbles by Christopher

shapeshifter avatar

Oil of Olé!

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor #6

Hola, amigos! My name is Juan Pedro Felipe Julio Manuel Ortega here to speak for Oil of Olé Moisturizing Cream. Jew know, de sun can be a real perra on de skeen. Dat is why all the señoritas and señoras in my barrio use Oil of Olé Moisturizing Cream. Years of being in de harsh sunlight can leave jore skeen looking as cracked and dry as de arid desert. No more! Now, jore skeen can be as smooth as a niño's culo!

Pick up a jar of Oil of Olé today! Iss a fiesta for jore skeen! Hasta luego, amigos!

shapeshifter avatar

Consolidated Amalgamated Consortium

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor #5

Hello, Zachary Lovebottom here to speak for the Consolidated Amalgamated Consortium.

When I need something consolidated or amalgamated, I instantly think of the Consolidated Amalgamated Consortium, 'cause it's all right there in the name, innit? You want something consolidated, it's right there in the name. You need something amalgamated, it's right there in the name. You want it done by a consortium, it's all right there. And the C.A.C. has been in business for over 10 minutes now, consolidating and amalgamating their little hearts out. Contact them today!

"Consolidated Amalgamated Consortium. We don't know what the hell it means either!"

shapeshifter avatar

Lipschitz Lipstick

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor #4

Hello, I'm international model Candy Slutstack.

Ladies, you need a durable lipstick when your lips get around as much as mine, and believe me when I tell you that my lips have been damn near everywhere! That's why I use Lipschitz Lipstick. It lasts for hours, and won't smear or smudge, no matter what's rubbing against your lips. Lipschitz will give your kisser a glamorous sheen like you've never seen! Abigail Lipschitz started her cosmetics company 200 years ago, working tirelessly to create the ultimate lipstick.

Remember, a woman isn't a real woman until she's covered her lips with Lipschitz.

shapeshifter avatar

The Law Offices of Bender, Over and Banger

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor #3

Hello, Harry Banger here.

Are you being accused of sexual harassment at work? We at the firm of Bender, Over & Banger can empathize. We've been exactly where you are, between a rock and a hard place. Why, we've even had to defend ourselves in lawsuits brought against us by the cheap little tarts that previously worked here. Those tramps were asking for it, begging.

Provided we don't get a mustachioed female judge, we believe we can clear you of any wrongdoing.

And no attorney's fee unless we put any sort of effort into your case.

Call today! 555-SLUT.

shapeshifter avatar


And Now A Word From Our Sponsor #2

Hi, Super Bowl MVP Neoprene Grip here.

When I played professional football for the Lexington Lunkheads, I took alotta hits. Most were part of the game, but some I took a little more...personally. Now I handled the revenge chores myself; a cut brakeline on a sports car here, a scorpion in the jockstrap there, and everything was everything.

Now, you don't have to go it alone, thanks to E-Liminate.com, the world's first online hit man service, employing professional killers all over the world, who will handle your retribution clinically and skillfully, guaranteed.

So log on and bump someone off...today!

shapeshifter avatar

Ralph's Swinging Estates

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor #1

Hiya folks, Ralph Libido here, owner/operator of Ralph's Swinging Estates. This 15-story condominium sits on 69 acres of lush, rolling hills, featuring an 18-hole golf intercourse, tennis courts, and an Olympic-sized wading pool. But the daytime activities are nothing compared to what happens here at night! Most of it's too obscene to repeat here, some of it I don't even understand, but all of it's one heckuva good time! Join us!

Take Pubic Avenue to the corner of Anus and Scrotum, five miles past Gonad Lake and you're at... Ralph's Swinging Estates. Putting the condom in condominium!