Giving The Devil His Due

Excoriating my brain with my lacquered black matte fingernails. I lose myself in my thinly veiled disguise. Is there a term for my acute clinical depression? Where I can't live inside my own happiness because I know the bad trip will come.

I need the drugs, because the drugs need me. Erasing memories that cause me so much pain. I wish I could remember the good moments. I see flashes when I was that little girl, sometimes happy, playing by myself. Were there ever good moments? If I can erase them, along with the bad, I'd take the Devil's deal.