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One day Mabel Outhwaite sat down on her sofa and never got up again. Skin became entwined with fabric.

Over time she became as one with the settee.

It was a sensation. People travelled from all over to visit. They’d ask questions (you can just imagine what some could be!) and Mabel always answered. Sometimes she let people sit on her and fondle her drapery, and she liked nothing more than a good plumping.

‘I need stuffing,’ Mabel announced one day.

Mabel was reupholstered, but unfortunately not to European Standard 1021.

A fag butt behind a cushion did for her.

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