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“Why do garden gnomes wear pointy hats?” I asked.

Very cautiously, Grandpa whispered, “It’s so they always have a funnel on hand.”

“Why do they need a funnel?”

“You daft, boy? It’s for when they pickaxe a hole in your neck, they can bottle your blood in their tiny jars more easily.”

“Gnomes don’t drink blood, Grandpa. That’s vampires.”

“I never said they drink it. They store it and use it to magically trap that person’s soul inside a rock. Haven’t you ever wondered where all the red rocks outside came from?”

I never stepped foot in mom’s garden again.

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