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I'm stuck up here where I was put 12 days ago. You probably think I've got a stick up my bottom, but you're wrong. I'm a hostage, bound to a tree. I've suffered joy, laughter, disappointment and chocolate theft!

I'm tortured every day. The flashing lights are worst, only stopping late at night. And my fear of heights doesn't help. I complain, although I get complimented on my beauty... but is it me or the tree they're gawping at? Some of them even look up my dress, the perverts! I can do nothing.

Phew! Twelfth Night; now my holiday begins.