Stranger Danger

A stranger is in my kitchen wearing white overalls flecked with red paint. I’m not alarmed because I think he is a decorator hired by my wife.

“Hey. Who are you?”

“Your wife asked the same thing. Now she’s in the basement chained to the wall.” He leers. “I cut her face with this knife … a little message for you. Pay the $50,000 you owe my boss or I will come back, Tony.”

I glare. “Tony lives next door.”

“What?" he says. "Who are you?”

I answer by pulling my .45 and shooting him in the head. “The sheriff.”