Eurovision

“This is Graham Norton reporting live from Ukraine for the annual Eurovision Snog Contest. Ukraine is hotly tipped to win again but Russia is hoping to steal the title…”

Many chapped lips and dribble-covered outfits later…

“So, there are just two entries remaining before voting opens. United Kingdom and Russia. Since the contest’s singing counterpart has been dominated by heterosexual viewers, this year the UK is entering a kiss between two men in a hope to draw more gay people to the competition. Oh, breaking news, in a move no-one could've predicted, Russia has withdrawn from the contest.”