jehode avatar

Heat #92


Rain pummels hard into my town. Gutters become streams, roads shine in the daydark glowering and are ignited by frequent lightning flashes. Some folk run indoors and emerge with coats, but most stand beneath the deluge, or in doorways, pushed together in small groups like debris in riverbank eddies.
The storm eases unexpectedly and a cooling breeze opens the clouds for a brief moment. The rain is gentler now, but more persistent.
And Father Benjamin points out to Doug's Dad a rainbow messaging the sky as the first great billows of smoke rise relentlessly above the canopy of Lastwailing Wood.

5 comments add one below

  • avatar

    Drew Martyn 11 months ago

    The. End.
    tbh I'm quite happy to finish that. I'd only written a couple of drabbles when I decided it should be something bleak where nothing happy happens and where I didn't like the main character. Shame about the trees, though ;)

  • avatar

    Jeff Taylor 11 months ago

    A good ending isn't always sunshine and flowers. A satisfying end is all we can ask for. At least you're good at the darn things. I'm terrible!!! Well done Drew! 😊

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt 11 months ago

    Great stuff Drew. I like the way you’ve used the Afterword to wrap it up. Well... almost. Doug’s dad and the others have yet to find out what happened... recriminations, reprisals etc. Why there’s a whole Heat 2 in the making... maybe the trees make a comeback and start walking to town. And perhaps the nasty narrator and Doug come back from Hell to find bewinged Archie, swooping down from the heavens for a showdown with thunderbolt (and that’s not a euphemism) in hand? Can’t wait!
    To verge on the semi-serious though, this story has been writing of the most accomplished and nail biting. Great stuff indeed.

  • avatar

    Christopher 11 months ago

    Wow. That was deeply disturbing. Beautifully written but disturbing. It gave me the same feeling I had when I read "Lord Of The Flies" when I was in junior high school. Very well done, Drew.

  • avatar

    Drew Martyn 10 months ago

    Thank you guys, your comments and support are very much appreciated. I'm glad you enjoyed it (if "enjoyed" is the right word). Hopefully my next effort will be a little less bleak (and consequently easier to write ;) )
    And Jeff, don't undersell yourself, your endings are very good, I've enjoyed your writing throughout, mate. :)

Join the conversation

Sign up or Sign in to leave a comment on this drabble.