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Oh the time machine? Got it off a bloke down the pub. Yeh, medium height, tidy beard. Funny clothes - funny weird like, not funny haha. Said his name was Shakespeare. Right, yeh, the poet geezer.
Well, he swore he’d got it off a guy called Derek who’d invented it and gone back in time so he could meet Shakespeare. Sad story: hadn’t been there a week, poor sod died of dysentry! So Shakespeare took it, came here, and er... sold it to me.

What? The body in the strange clothes? Dunno. Not Shakespeare, though, if that’s what you were thinking.

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