ginkiff avatar

by

Come on then... I’ll ease you in gently. Don’t rush it... that will only make things worse. Listen to me. You know how much you need me... you’re getting close now. Ready? Relax.

Don’t be RIDICULOUS. Counting those woolly fools won’t help; you should know that by now.

Where are you going? Go on then, take the cowards way out but you know you’ll feel groggy in the morning.

Back again eh! All pilled up are we? Come on then. And relax. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe….

What now? You need the toilet? FOR GOD’s SAKE!

9 comments add one below

  • avatar

    Ginette Kiff almost 3 years ago

    Any constructive criticism welcome - I'm not sure if this works - does it become apparent that the narrator is sleep?

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt almost 3 years ago

    This actually works extremely well as a written piece. The meaning and point of view can be easily deciphered with the luxury of being able to reread as you read. As a spoken piece I think you possibly don’t get that luxury as you have to keep up with the words, reducing processing time. But what a fresh, clever subject and execution! Very creative; great stuff! Thanks.

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt almost 3 years ago

    Oh, and great title!

  • avatar

    Ginette Kiff almost 3 years ago

    Thank you, Neville. I took your advice and put the 'counting' hint in, which I think works much better.

  • avatar

    Neville Hunt almost 3 years ago

    You’re welcome.... Yes, that’s why it works better.

  • avatar

    Drew Martyn almost 3 years ago

    Yes, it definitely works, I got it when we got to counting the woolly fools, lol. A great idea, superbly done :)

  • avatar

    Ginette Kiff almost 3 years ago

    Thank you, Drew. I often feel I'm battling with sleep, which gave me the idea of personifying it!

  • avatar

    Christopher almost 3 years ago

    It does. And referring to counting sheep as "woolly fools" is a nice touch.

  • avatar

    LesleyAnne over 2 years ago

    I agree with Neville that being able to re-read this rather than just listen enables the reader to fully focus on the words. Loved it .

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