The Commercial

Welcome to Split Rock, here to accommodate all your last life needs. Work becoming a bore? Children hassling you all day with questions you don’t want to answer? Love life not as exciting as you thought it would be? At Split Rock we come equipped with bone crushing massages, soul cleansing oils, last meals, sin soaks, a full blood treatment and a movie theater too.

Beds are going fast, so act now and if you call within the next fifteen minutes we’ll throw in some Quick Release after Last Meal Mints with your order.

Satisfaction Guaranteed or your life back.