The talent show factory

The auditions for the latest talent show “Brits United in Music” were underway and Simon Towel, Mrs P, Beryl Weedy and Will.I.Won’t were already exasperated. It was just one long conveyor belt of multitalented singers flowing by without a sob story in sight.

“Who the hell vetted these people?” vented Mrs P.

“We can’t have people on BUM that can actually sing, they’ll be compared to me!” bleated a panicky Weedy.

“It’s too dope without the mope.” tweeted Mr I.Won’t.

“That’s it,” grumped Towel, “we’ll just have to do the usual and recruit some contestants from the local psych ward.”