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In what is thought to have been the most complex mathematical computation ever attempted, a quantum mainframe has proved that the universe doesn’t in fact exist, nor is there anything in it. The results of the ten-year process, estimated to have cost over a billion dollars, were reported to a stunned senate committee earlier today. It’s not the ideal outcome, said a spokesperson. I guess people are going to be annoyed, but you can’t argue with the science. The team behind the experiment have rebuffed calls to repeat the calculation. It would probably be even more disappointing, they said.

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