Grammar schooling

Mugger: Give us your money, or else me and my mate will give you a slapping.
Victim: That’s the wrong use of the personal pronoun. What you should say is ‘my mate and I’.
Mugger: Whatever. I don’t speak English proper.
Victim: Misplaced adjective. It’s either ‘I don’t speak proper English’ or ‘I don’t speak English properly’.
Mugger: Now you’re really beginnin' to piss me off.
Victim: Beginning. -ing is added to the root of a verb to create a present participle.
Mugger: Less of your lip or me and my mate – sorry, my mate and I – will...