"Peoples of the Universe, please attend carefully"

The UN Security Council was surprised when the oily voice oozed round the chamber. Apparently someone called the Master was demanding leadership of the cosmos in exchange for not subjecting it all to premature heat death. The members gave the only possible response to such despicable blackmail.

"No problem," said the American representative, once the Soviets had been persuaded not to use their veto from sheer habit.

"Oh. Thanks," came the faintly surprised reply. Then silence; the delegates resumed haranguing the USSR over Afghanistan.

After a few minutes the voice oozed again. "Er, do I get a hat or something?"